Sleepless

It appears that I am having difficulty eating and sleeping; manifestations of my stress and desire to get this over with, I’m sure.  I almost told him last night, but I had just gotten back from dinner with a friend and had had some wine, so I thought better of it.  I don’t want to have to spend two days together with questions, bitterness, anger and what not, but I’m ready for this weight to be lifted.  I am ready.

I spoke to my girlfriend B about this yesterday.  I told her last week about it, but needed to talk to her again.  She’s so supportive and I appreciate it more than I can express.  And it is nice to have confirmation that even she thinks I am doing the right thing.

I’ve also spoken to C recently via IM.  It seems that perhaps we will be able to remain friends at least.  For this I am grateful.  Few people know more about me….actually no one knows as much about me as he does.  He is aware of what is going on and we’ve spoken a bit about it.  We’ve been good about keeping our conversations friendly and not quite as frequent as they used to be.  Regardless of what happens for him or for me, I think we will always remain close friends.  This is comforting to know.

Now, I sit here at 2 a.m. with my computer and my cat trying to find a way to get some sleep.  I think I will sleep well once all of this is over.  It is exhausting to be carrying this weight and trying to pretend that things are no different than any other day.  I have no delusions that it will be easy or painless to tell him, but  I am very comfortable with this decision and will be relieved to no longer be living a lie.

Live and love inspired!

~AA

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