Despicable

Do you ever get the feeling that you are simply a horrible person?  That there are parts of your core that are despicable?  How do you come to terms with all the bad things that you have done in your life?  Usually I’m pretty good at making myself think of all the struggles and tribulations that I’ve gone through as experiences that have taught me something or have provided me with insight.  But lately I just feel like a horrible human being.   I think I possess sociopath tendencies and I hate those parts of myself.

But then I wonder if everyone else is as “normal” as they appear or are they simply fighting the demons within as well…. a silent war we wage on ourselves everyday while trying to project to others that we are good, moral human beings?  Sometimes I hate living in a “civilized” world.  Sometimes I wish I could just go live alone on an island where I cannot hurt anyone by my selfishness.  Where I could protect others from me.  That’s how I feel.

Maybe my medication just hasn’t kicked in today.

~AA

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