Tonight I went to my individual therapy session. It was good and good timing considering what happened at group last night. You know, one of the things that we talked about toward the end was how we have the adult us and the little girl (or boy). The little girl part of us is the part that is wounded and scared. So, my reaction to M and the fact that I need to “please” comes from my little girl. The little girl I was when I was reliant on others for survival. The little girl who wanted approval from my dad. The little girl that was scared her brother might kill her. The little girl who trusted, was used, and discarded by a man.
We talked about how I am no longer “that little girl”, but that she still is part of me and I give her power in certain situations like with J and with other personal relationships. So when I feel rejected or invalidated, that little girl is the one that is fearful. She’s the one with the anxiety and fear of not surviving. This is opposite to me, my adult self, that knows I can take care of myself and I do not need anyone for survival. But my adult self and my little girl live together in me. She is the part of me that helps me to never lose my childlike enthusiasm for life.
The important thing to remember is that I am not trying to get rid of my little girl, merely learning how to live with her….how to coexist. This makes sense to me. So, my little girl and I need to learn how to play together. And I need to make more time to really get to know her.
Who is your little girl (or boy)?