Waiting….

I have to go pick J up from the airport in about 3 hours.  I’m really interested in seeing how I react/feel to this.  In all honesty, I feel very a-emotional about all of this right now.  I don’t have much anxiety, I’m not excited, I’m just sort of here.  Cleaned the house this morning… always a favorite past-time when I don’t want to think about something.  Having lots of coffee… basically just relishing the last few moments of alone time before the journey really begins.

The other night I had a really vivid dream.  In general, I’ve always had a propensity to dream about doors.  The dream Thursday night was particularly interesting.  I dreamed that I came home and locked the door behind me as I always do… two locks, a regular lock and a deadbolt.  But then someone started trying to get in.  The door was bowing towards me and the individual was able to unlock one of the locks,  but not the deadbolt.  The top of the door started separating from the frame because the bowing was so heavy–heavy is the right word.  It wasn’t scary, just ominous.  In the past I’ve had lots of dreams about a man breaking in to attack me, but this wasn’t that dream.

I was about 10 feet away from the door in my dream and I knew that one deadbolt wasn’t going to hold much longer.  I don’t really know who was on the other side of the door, only that it was a man, but not the man from other dreams that tries to rape and kill me.  I had to get to the door to re-lock the lock that he undid and that did provoke a little fear.

When I got to the door, the door was bowing in so heavily…like a cartoon door it was firm but bending.  The hinges where about to burst.  I dreamed that there were suddenly more locks, one at each corner of the door in addition to the regular two.  I had to focus to reach the locks.  First the ones at the top, then the ones at the bottom.  The ones at the hinges where the easiest of the four to lock.  Then the top right… it was like moving my hand through something viscous, the closer I got to the lock, the more resistance.  Then the bottom right… I don’t remember being able to lock that one.

The overall feeling during this dream was a heavy weight.  An oppression, but nothing that was scarey, it was almost a sadness.

I looked up “doors” and “locks” in dreams and it came up with the following:

To dream that the door is closed or locked signifies opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. Something or someone is blocking your progress. It also symbolizes the ending of a phase or project. In particular, if you are outside the locked door, then it suggests that you have anti-social tendencies. If you are inside the locked door, then it represents harsh lessons that need to be learned.

 To dream that you are locking the door suggests that you are closing yourself off from others. You are hesitant in letting others in and revealing your feelings. It is indicative of some fear and low self-worth. If someone slams the door in your face, then it indicates that you are feeling shut out or some activity or that you are being ignored.

I have a feeling that this is symbolic of the phase of my life that is now ending (time alone) and the one that is about to begin (the figuring things out now that J is back).

It was an interesting dream, very heavy.

~AA

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